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You aren't that serious yet, so preferring to spend a birthday with friends is totally normal. Possibly, your date will mention a party or get-together to which you'll be invited.If you go, treat it as you would the birthday of a friend you very much like: bring a card, buy them drinks, etc.” My father pours coffee.“If I buy it, it’ll mean I care.”“You do care.” My mother looks at me over her reading glasses.“Well, I don’t want you-know-who to know that! ” My mother sets down her i Phone, clearly resigned to the fact that Words with Friends will have to wait.“Yes.”“For how long now? ” My father leaves the room.“It is perfectly acceptable to buy the person you’re dating a Christmas present after five months,” my mother says.“It would be fucked up if you didn’t!” My dad yells from the living room.“You got engaged at two months,” I yell back.“So?I’m sitting at my parent’s kitchen table, circling my cursor over the purchase button on my laptop screen.“For fuck sake,” says my father, “just buy the damn thing.”I shake my head.

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Literally, someone I'm dating could give me dirty shoelaces, and I'd wrap them around my bed post like a jolly Christmas wreath.

When he broke up with me the next day, I pointed out that maybe he should have pulled the plug before I gave him a Christmas present, not to mention a hand-job. Still, my pathological reluctance to drop money at my beloved JCrew when they’re offering a whopping thirty percent off an obviously perfect gift is probably not normal.

He said he thought the hand-job was a nice final memory for us. (Nor, arguably, is letting one’s parents this far into one’s personal life, but one dysfunction per post please.)So what is normal at five months? It also tries to change my question to “What’s normal to buy you’re (sic) girlfriend if she’s 13?

On the other hand, you don't want too come off skimpy, handing him a VISA gift card after he's just gifted you with the shiniest jewelry you've ever seen.

Though years of failed dinner dates and incessant swiping was beginning to turn you into a bit of a skeptic, his undeniable charm and the fact that he's a genuinely decent human being are proving you otherwise. But while I'm sure you're basking in the glory of having someone to spoon during these cold winter months, there is one thing I'm sort of thankful I don't have to deal with that you, my friend, will: Buying him a present. You don't want to come off too anxious, doling out over-the-top, expensive gifts that, to be honest, you aren't even sure he wants.